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08 July 2007 @ 04:20 pm
Wonder Of My World (3/?)  
Title: Wonder Of My World (3/?)
Authors: ilovemybaby & fallonblackdays
Characters/Pairing: Jared/Jensen, Steve Carlson, Christian Kane
Word Count: 3.083
Disclaimers: We don’t own these people, they own themselves. None of this ever happened and, alas, the couple is not real. None of this was meant as an offence to anyone. We’re just pretending, folks.
Notes: (1) Story and chapters titles and quotes all coming from various Steve Carlson’s songs. (2) Huge thanks to wake_up_older29 for the amazing beta.
Summary: Something’s wrong with Jensen, and he makes a point not to tell Jared what is it. But when Jared finds out anyway, his reaction surprises even Jared himself.

Chapter 1 – Tell You A Tale | Chapter 2 – On The Road




banner made by the lovely titheniel


Wonder Of My World

Chapter 3 – Kinda Crazy These Days

“It’s kinda hazy these days, 100 proof and smoke clouds fill my head”
(“Sounds So Good” – Steve Carlson)

---

It takes them exactly five hours and ten minutes to get to their destination. Jensen knows, because he’s counted the seconds, trying to imagine how it would feel for time to stop leaving him and Jared on an endless road over which he wouldn’t have to worry about anything but loving Jared and letting him know.

Jared disappears into his room to take a shower as soon as they check in at the hotel, and Jensen watches him go, wondering how is it even possible to be feeling like he’s losing someone he never had in the first place.

He flops down onto the bed in his own rooms, the whole trip and conversation running through his head.

He’s saved by the spiral of gloomy depression by his phone choosing that exact moment to start ringing, and when he pushes the button he’s not given the time to say anything, the well-known voice speaking instantly into his ear.

“Hey man, it’s me. Which fucking room are you in? Damn place’s like a palace.”

Jensen laughs. Trust Chris to be as straightforward as they come.
“I could leave you to roam the whole hotel and find out on your own, but I’m feeling generous,” he grins into the phone. “Number 214.”

Somewhere down in the reception hall, Chris hangs up without saying anything else. He makes his way to the elevator, pushes the button to Jensen’s floor and waits impatiently, making a beeline for his friend’s room as soon as soon as the doors slid open.

The smile Jensen flashes him when he appears in the doorway brings Chris some relief.

“Well, he’s smiling,” he thinks, not knowing exactly what he’s been expecting after hearing such a downcast note in Jensen’s voice in pretty much each and every phone conversation over the last few months. “Means the ride went okay, at least.”

“Hey. Been a while, man,” Jensen says, pulling the older man into a hug.

“Yup,” Chris smiles, returning the gesture. “How’s everything?” he asks as he walks in, waiting for the trademark “I’m fine” response.

Predictably, Jensen shrugs.
“Cool,” he says, walking to the small fridge in his room and taking out two beers. “You? How’s Show Boy?”

Chris takes the offered bottle with a nod, grabbing Jensen’s hand along with it so that he couldn’t pull away if he tried, and says, “I’m alright. Show Boy’s bouncing with excitement. And I asked before, and I’ll ask again: how’s everything? How are you?”
“I’m not letting you get away that easily, Jen. I’m sorry,” his mind adds determinedly.

“Let go of me, Chris,” Jensen says, tugging a little, but his friend doesn’t budge. “I said I’m cool.”

“I’m not letting go, Jen,” Chris declares, his hold only tightening. “Your latest phone calls weren’t exactly full of good news, were they?” He gives a small sigh. “And I know how you love to pretend shit doesn’t happen man, but it does. So yeah, I’m gonna push you until you say something. Anything. Sorry ‘bout that, but apparently someone has to do the dirty job here.”

Jensen stares hard at Chris for long moments. He’s almost tempted to take a swing at the man, but eventually he resorts to heave out a sigh of his own and let his shoulders slump.

“I fucked up,” he admits in a low voice.

Finally, Chris lets go of Jensen’s hand, and his eyes soften as he asks, “What happened?”

“I don’t really know,” the younger man says, flopping down onto the couch. “He’s having troubles with Sandy, says she’s pissed that me and him get to spend so much time together.” He shakes his head, putting his beer down on the coffee table. “Sandy’s right for Jared, Chris,” he says, feeling a tug at his gut as he voices his thoughts. He looks back up at his friend with a lost look in his eyes that he is glad he can’t see himself, because he is sure that he looks about as pathetic as he can get. “I realized I’m standing in the way. So I…” He lets out a shuddering breath, secretly surprised at how saying it all aloud makes it hurt ten thousand times worse than just thinking it. “I’m gonna get back to my place in our relationship. Put some distance between us, you know.”

Chris is momentarily stunned into silence.
“Holy shit. This is a lot more fucked up than I thought. Dammit,” he thinks in anger.
Snapping out of his own personal frustration, he sits next to his friend on the couch and says,
“Are you sure, man? You sure you wanna give up on him without even trying?”

Jensen gives a bitter smile at that.
“He’s got Sandy. He doesn’t belong with me.”

“Man, how the hell can you be sure of that?!”
Chris wants to scream it; take Jensen by his shoulders and shake him while yelling the words in his face. One thing Chris has though, is self-control, and so he resists the urge and just shrugs, taking a swig of his beer.
“Hell man…” he says then. “Maybe I’m not the best guy to say this, but I wouldn’t give up that easily if I were you. And you were never one to give up easily on anything, Jen.”

Jensen looks down.
“First time for everything,” he says. “Please, Chris…” he begins after an hesitant pause. “Just… don’t tell me how things could be different if I only gave it a try, alright? I don’t wanna hear it.”

And that’s when Chris takes time to really look at his friend. His features are tired, there are thin purple circles under his eyes, and a general look of defeat hangs on him, so striking that Chris can feel himself plummeting into depression just by looking at him.

“Maybe it’ll be for the best if he manages to let Jared go, after all,” he reflects now.
“Alright man,” he says, giving a pat to Jensen’s shoulder. “Here’s the thing. Things would be different if you gave it a try,” he quickly plunges on before Jensen can get the chance to glare at him or look even worse than he already does, “but I understand. And I won’t question you anymore. Not for now, anyway. Deal?”

Jensen gives a grateful nod.
“Thanks. I appreciate it.” He snaps out of his depressed state and gives Chris’ thigh a strong slap. “And stop being such a mother hen!”

Chris grins at his friend.
“I just worry, bitch. And stop complainin’, ‘cause I know you love the attention.”

“You’re mistaking me for you,” Jensen shoots back. “You’re the egocentric bastard here.”

+++

Their entrance at the place where the show is supposed to be held is accompanied by a loud crash and a grumbled string of curses uttered vehemently by a familiar voice, and Chris chuckles as they spot Steve on stage, struggling with a fallen amplifier.

“Keep cussing and maybe the thing will right itself on its own,” he laughs. “Or maybe it’ll just stop working altogether because you’re being an ass to it,” he adds, walking up and helping his friend with said device.

Steve promptly rewards him with one of his icy glares.
“Chris, I’m warnin’ ya, I’m not in the mood,” he growls menacingly.

“Alright, alright. ‘M sorry, man,” Chris says. “You are The Man today, so I won’t bug you. Much,” he adds with a smirk.

“We just came by to see how you’re holding up,” Jared says, checking out the half-settled stage. “Nice job so far.”

Steve looks up from where he’s crouched in front of the amplifier, doing a quick check to make sure that it does indeed still work (no one misses the relief that flickers through his face when he presses the ON button and the thing responds to the command), and he breaks into a wide grin, seeming to notice Jared and Jensen for the first time.

He all but jumps off the stage to get to them and give them both a heartfelt hug.

“Hey! ‘s great to see you guys.”

“Great to see you, too, man!” Jared greets enthusiastically, returning the hug. “I’m looking forward to your show tonight,” he adds then, watching as Steve pulls Jensen into an embrace, as well.

“Fucker,” his mind spits without warning, but them, “Hey! What the hell… Why am I insulting the guy?”

Jared shakes his head, hoping against hope that he can manage to clear his mind (that’s clearly on the path of getting lost) just by doing that.

“So, you ready to rock, man?” he says then.

“Hell yeah!” Steve replies cheerfully. His hand finds Jensen’s shoulder, giving it a strong pat. “Jen, would you like playing a song with me tonight? You know, as a guest?”

Jensen stares at him as if he’s just grown an extra head.
“What?!” he splutters, flushing red at the mere thought of it. “No way!”

“Oh, c’mon Jen!” Jared pipes in excitedly.
“I always wanted to see you on a stage with a guitar,” he thinks dreamingly. Suddenly all heads are turning towards him. “Fuck. Did I say that out loud?” he thinks anxiously. Jensen’s now even redder face immediately provides him with an answer. “Yes, I did. Damn.”

“See, Jen? Even Jay here wants to hear you sing,” Chris says, patting Jared on the shoulder. “And one would think that if anyone would grow tired of your voice, that’d be him.”

Jensen’s shaking his head frantically almost before Chris has finished the sentence.
“No.”

Steve holds up his hands, trying to hold back the amused grin that’s being unmercifully tickling his lips since Jensen’s eyes have almost popped out of their sockets at his offer.
“Let’s not crowd the guy, uh? It was just an idea.”

“Look, Steve, I’m sorry…” Jensen begins to say, but Steve interrupts with a smile that he hopes looks more understanding than teasing.

“It’s cool, man. I know you’re shy and all that.”

Jensen glares, but he doesn’t really bother to argue because hey, he knows it’s true.

“Well, I guess we should get going,” Chris says to Steve, taking a look at his surroundings, buzzing with activity. “Since it looks like you still have loads of stuff to do. We’ll be back later, but you know where to find us if you need anything.” He gives Steve a brotherly hug and says, “Lots of shit to you, man, as the theatre folks say! I’m sure you’ll do great.”

“Yeah, man, good luck!” Jared adds his bit, pulling Steve into a bear hug himself. “Although it’d all be even better if Jensen sang. Fuck, now I’m gonna have the thought of Jen singing on a stage stuck in my head the whole day. And why the hell does the image look so…” Jared’s mind stops it’s ranting in shock at the word that pops up in it. “Edible?! Jesus Christ…”

Something pulls at him, effectively dragging him out of his thoughts.

“Hey dude, c’mon. I know you love Steve, but the man needs his space,” Chris says, grinning at Jared’s confused face as the younger man realizes with huge embarrassment that he’s still clinging to Steve.

Jared lets go hurriedly and gives Steve an apologetic smile, grateful that he’s not into blushing like Jensen, or else he’d be bursting into flames right about now.

“Sorry,” he says lamely.

Chris’ smirk gets wider.
“Too much on your mind, Padalecki?”

Jared throws a glance at Jensen and quietly replies,
“Yeah. Too much.”

Jensen stares from one to the other with a lost what-did-I-just-miss-here look on his face, and Steve laughs, taking a mental note to dig into the whole awkward thing later.

“Alright, y’all get out of here and let me work. I’ll see you guys tonight.”

+++

Dallas’ streets are pretty busy, but not nearly as crowded as L.A.’s, and it feels nice to be able to just walk around aimlessly for a while.

Jensen’s trying to remember the last time he could do that and only that, when his eyes are caught by one of the most beautiful sights he’s ever seen. He lets out a low whistle, and next thing he knows, he’s grabbing Chris by the arm and dragging him in front of the window shop, staring in awe in pretty much the most gorgeous guitar he’s ever had the chance to set his eyes upon.

“Man…” he breathes dreamingly. “Check it out…”

Chris takes a good look, and soon he’s joining Jensen in his drooling.

“That’s got to be the finest guitar I’ve ever seen…” he echoes.

It takes Jared a few moments to realize that he’s walking alone, and he hurries back to his friends, looking at the displayed instrument when his ears caught their praise.

“Well… it’s a guitar…” he thinks, failing to get exactly what all the fuss is about. He knows he’s pretty much clueless when it comes about musical instruments, so he decides to keep his mouth shut and spare himself a pair of twin horrified stares as he denigrates this miracle of human craftsmanship.

“Isn’t this a pretty little thing?” Chris says, looking first at Jared, then at Jensen and finally back at the shining guitar, and for a moment Jared wonders if maybe he’s talking about a puppy.

“Yeah, yeah. It’s beautiful, man,” Jared says, somewhat dismissively. Upon closer inspection though, he has to give it to them, that it really is beautiful. Esthetically speaking, at least, because he has absolutely no idea of its musical qualities.

Chris and Jensen obviously have though, because when he glances at them a few moments later, he finds them both still staring intently at the guitar like he would a whole bucket of candy. He finally decides to resort to push them both forward.

“Hey, stop drooling or someone will come out here and make you clean the window,” he says, almost bodily dragging the both of them out of there.

Before they turn the corner though, he throws a glance back at the shop, now far away.

“I’ll be back,” he thinks with a smile.

“Jay, you just don’t understand,” Jensen says, his dismissive, almost sympathetic voice claiming his attention once again. “You got a good look at it, Chris?” he says then in excitement, green eyes sparkling. “An acoustic Fender DG5… Never seen a black one before. And that neck? Sweet…”

“You telling me, man?” Chris replies, his own blue irises glistening dreamingly. “That was a true beauty right there. God, it’d be so nice to get my hands all over it. You know, to just… feel it,” he adds with what sound almost like a sigh of lust.

Jared looks at Jensen and back at Chris for a while.
“You know, if I didn’t know better, I’d say you two are talking about a woman’s body rather than a freakin’ guitar,” he finally says.

Jensen turns to him, the words “You poor blaspheme nonbeliever” clearly written on his features before he sighs, eyes glazing over with the mists of the memory.

“But Jay, it’s just… so… beautiful.”

“Man, what the hell does that guitar have, anyway?!” Jared thinks in exasperation. Another stunned pause. “Oh my God… Am I jealous of a guitar?! Would anyone inside my brain please explain?!”

He must have spaced out, because when he blinks, it’s to find that both Chris and Jensen have stopped and are now staring oddly at him.

“Man, where is your head today?” Chris says, confused.

“I wish I knew, dude,” Jared thinks dejectedly. He shrugs, resuming his walking, and says, “Nah, nowhere.”

Jensen’s about to make a joke about that when something in Jared’s expression prompts him to frown.

“You okay?” he asks.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Jared dismisses somewhat harshly. “I just wanna get back to the hotel and get ready for the show.”

“Uh…” Jensen’s a little taken aback by his friend’s sudden behavior, but he decides to let it slide. For now. “Sure, we can do that. I gotta talk to Chris first, so you go ahead, alright?”

“Yeah, alright. I’ll see you later,” Jared says curtly, listening as one part of his brain taunts him cruelly (“So Jen wants to be alone with Chris, huh? How you feel about that, kiddo?”) and the other part screams empty reassurances (“I don’t wanna hear. I don’t care. Everything’s good. I’M FINE!”)

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”

That’s the only word that repeatedly leaves his lips in a furious rush as he walks back to the hotel and the proceeds to step under a cold shower. He makes sure the water is as icy as it can get.

+++

Jensen’s frown deepens as he watches Jared go. He turns to stare confusedly at Chris.

“You have any idea what that was about?”

Chris shrugs.
“Hey, you’re the guy who spends hours with him, you should be the one knowing. I have no clue what’s running through his head today.”

Jensen looks positively downcast at this, wondering if maybe he’s managed to fuck up even worse than he thought.
“Right…” he mumbles.

“Hey man, c’mon.” Chris reaches out to clasp one of Jensen’s shoulders. “You’re not gonna get all depressed on me because he’s behaving weirdly, are you? Hell, the guy’s weird all the time, you should be used to it by now,” he smiles, trying to brighten the mood.

Jensen smiles weakly back, cursing himself for spoiling Chris’ good time like that. Him and his fucking love issues.
“I know. It’s just…” He blows out a frustrated breath. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come, I’m awful company these days.”

Chris slides an arm around his shoulders and squeezes a bit.
“Hey, it’s okay,” he reassures fondly. “You don’t need to apologize. And the fuck do you mean, ‘you shouldn’t have come’?!” he says then, mimicking Jensen’s tone of voice. “Steve would’ve strangled you if you didn’t! And I’d be the one to have to deal with him being even bitchier than his usual self.”

Jensen laughs a little at that.
“Yeah, I know. Man’s kinda touchy sometimes.” He pauses. “So… I’ll see you tonight, yeah?”

“Sure thing, man. Sure thing,” Chris smiles widely. “We’re gonna have one hell of a good time.”

Jensen forces himself to smile back, wishing that Chris was right, and trying to ignore the gnawing at the pit of his stomach that tells him that somewhere during the day, the distance has started growing and Jared’s drifting away.


TBC...
 
 
feeling: lazylazy
 
 
 
jared_loves_me: Big Jaredjared_loves_me on July 18th, 2007 02:15 am (UTC)
Chapter 3 – Kinda Crazy These Days
GReat story , but would like to know if you were aware that ch 3 and 4 are the same posting both chapters are ch 3

Can you direct me to Chapter 4 so I can follow this story.
Cami: spn cast | jen - hidingilovemybaby on July 18th, 2007 05:05 pm (UTC)
Re: Chapter 3 – Kinda Crazy These Days
Thanks for letting me know, and I'm sorry for the mess...
HERE is the link to chapter 4 ;)
deej1957deej1957 on July 18th, 2007 02:35 am (UTC)
HELP
Chapter four is the same as Chapter three!!!!
Cami: spn cast | jen - hidingilovemybaby on July 18th, 2007 05:04 pm (UTC)
Re: HELP
I'm soooooorry for that!! *hides*
But thanks for letting me know! I corrected the link, and to make it easier for you, HERE it is, chapter four. ;)

Thanks, and sorry!
Kimber: Muddy Dean he's minespikespet7 on July 18th, 2007 02:41 am (UTC)
I would love to move on from chapter 3 to 4......and beyond. But 4 is three........I need 4 please pretty pretty please with sugary Jensen, Jared, Steve, and Chris on top


Kimber
Cami: spn cast | jen - hidingilovemybaby on July 18th, 2007 05:04 pm (UTC)
GUH!
I'm SO sorry for the mistake I made...
And thanks for letting me know. I made it right again.

And to make it easier for you, chapter four is right HERE
shelgrainger2shelgrainger2 on July 30th, 2007 12:07 pm (UTC)
Oh these two need their heads knocked together lol! I had to laugh at Jared asking someone in his brain to explain why he was jealous of a guitar lol!
Evenstar: Zacharyevenstar_1203 on December 22nd, 2007 12:54 pm (UTC)
Oh, Jared *giggles* I find his behavious highly entertaining ^^
fanofsuperfanofsuper on January 16th, 2008 09:40 pm (UTC)
These 2 guys need someone to knock some sense into them. They both want the same thing & are too afraid to admit it
slash_freak_ozslash_freak_oz on June 18th, 2008 07:18 am (UTC)
Hmmm seems Jared is wondering about some things himself too now...those two are almost channeling themselves...though Jensen knows HE wants