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08 July 2007 @ 04:18 pm
Wonder Of My World (2/?)  
Title: Wonder Of My World (2/?)
Authors: ilovemybaby & fallonblackdays
Characters/Pairing: Jared/Jensen, Steve Carlson, Christian Kane
Word Count: 1.988
Disclaimers: We don’t own these people, they own themselves. None of this ever happened and, alas, the couple is not real. None of this was meant as an offence to anyone. We’re just pretending, folks.
Notes: (1) Story and chapters titles and quotes all coming from various Steve Carlson’s songs. (2) Huge thanks to wake_up_older29 for the amazing beta.
Summary: Something’s wrong with Jensen, and he makes a point not to tell Jared what is it. But when Jared finds out anyway, his reaction surprises even Jared himself.

Chapter 1 – Tell You A Tale




banner made by the lovely titheniel


Wonder Of My World

Chapter 2 – On The Road

““’Cause I’m on the road and I’m all alone and I hope it’s understood that baby, sometimes ‘I love you’ sounds so good.”
(“Sounds So Good” – Steve Carlson)

---

Hiatus comes along, and so do the weeks preceding the show. Fast, way faster than Jensen had first anticipated.

He doesn’t quite know whether to be relieved or saddened about the whole thing, because no matter how he’s tried to get over it, he’s not sure he’s ready to face Jared. Not after the weird behavior he’s been having on set, which frankly, has been baffling even Jensen himself.

He can still feel his co-star’s eyes boring into him during every take, every break, every breath.

He knows his actions have been puzzling to say the least, and he doesn’t think he’s ready for more questions, them being unspoken or asked by a worried voice.

Eventually, he does climb into his car and drives all the way to San Antonio, trying to ignore the way his fears and insecurities have crawled under his skin and apparently decided to stay there, hitching through the whole drive.

When he pulls up in front of the house of Jared’s folks, they’re still there, gnawing at him, and it’s with some trepidation and a fair amount of annoyance towards himself that he climbs out of the car and leans back against the door, crossing his arms over his thumping heart.

What Jensen doesn’t know is that Jared’s been feeling pretty nervous about today himself. Things have been weird between them after those days on set, and Jared’s been eager to see his friend again and make them right, even though he doesn’t really know what it is that went wrong in the first place.

Now, as he stands by the window in his bedroom, Jared’s stomach does a funny flip-flop he can’t really decipher when Jensen’s car pulls up in front of the house, and he all but runs to pick up his stuff.

He plummets downstairs and quickly says his goodbyes, and soon he’s out and under the Texas sun, heading towards Jensen with a huge smile on his face.

“Fucking hell, get a hold of yourself, man. It’s just Jensen,” he tries to say to his suddenly racing heart and trembling hands, but apparently they decide to ignore him. So does his smile, that stays firm in place and is about to split his face in two.

Jensen can’t really explain it. Now that Jared’s there, the anxiety both melts away and increases. He doesn’t think it’s actually possible. Still, his lips break into a wide smile of his own, and next thing he knows he’s reaching out to pull Jared into a hug.

“Hey man!” Jared says enthusiastically with his arms full of Jensen. “Damn. I missed him. So much,” he thinks then, his chest filling up with something he can’t really give a name to. “I can’t believe he’s here in my arms and – Wait, wait. STOP. What the hell is wrong with me?” his mind adds confusedly. “I must just be overprotective. That’s all. I was just worried. Just that. Nothing else. That’s the only reason why I don’t seem to properly function when he’s around anymore. Uh huh,” he decides anxiously.

Jensen doesn’t say anything in response to Jared’s greeting. He just holds on to Jared for a while, relishing into the embrace, before he finally manages to snap out of it, cursing himself as he pulls away, because hell, he should know better.

“You ready to go, Jay?” he asks, flashing his friend a grin of his own.

“Hey, come back here!” Jared’s mind objects forcefully when Jensen puts an end to their embrace, but out loud he says, “As ready as I’ll ever be, dude!”, while grinning back at Jensen.

“Things are gonna be just fine,” he thinks as he climbs into the car. Because with a five-hour ride ahead of them, they’re just bound to be. Aren’t they? Jared certainly hopes so.

+++

Jensen hums quietly alongside Jeff Buckley as he drives, the music flowing out of the speakers, soothing as nothing else can be.

“Everything okay with your folks?” he asks conversationally.

“Yeah, they’re all fine, send a hug to you and all… Well, my Mom sends you a kiss, too,” Jared says, and he laughs, because his Mom? She’s totally head over heels in love with Jensen.

The older man blushes slightly.
“Thanks,” he says, a little embarrassed. “I met up with Steve the other day,” he informs then. “I gotta warn you: the man’s practically bouncing.”

“Well, he should be!” Jared exclaims. “I mean, new record, new gig. Dude. I would be bouncing, too.”

Jensen smiles fondly.
“Yeah.”

He lets silence roll over them, wondering if maybe he should be saying something to Jared about the way he acted back in Vancouver. Something that sounds like an apology.

“So… everything alright with you?” Jared asks, apparently reading his thoughts. “Those days we haven’t heard from each other… they were all okay, yeah?” He tries to be subtle and not mention the fact that he has been desperately wanting to know whether his friend was feeling better.

Jensen flashes him another smile, hoping that it manages to actually reach his eyes.
“Yeah, I’m cool.” He pauses uncomfortably. “Listen, Jay, about that… I… um… I’m sorry I was such a pain in the ass.”

“It’s okay, man,” Jared is quick to reassure. “Thank Christ he mentioned the whole thing before I did,” he thinks, relieved. “I’m sorry I pushed you a bit…” he adds. He looks at his friend’s face, and as soon as he realizes that something in Jensen’s smile is just off, the worry returns.

But the older man’s eyes soften instantly.
“Nah. I actually…” he clears his throat, going back to stare at the road. “I kinda appreciated it.”

Jared feels a slow smile break out on his lips, and he tries to figure out why is it that he appears to have a carnival going on in his belly.

“I’m just happy to know everything’s okay, Jen,” he offers sincerely, giving Jensen’s thigh a friendly pat. “I really hated to see you like that and not being able to do a thing to help you out.”

Jensen swallows down the rush of emotion that suddenly comes to bubble up in his chest without his own permission at those words.

“Thanks,” he says, a bit hoarsely. He clears his throat again. “How’s Sandy?” he asks, straying away from the subject in the worst way possible for what he’s concerned, immediately realizing just what kind of masochist he is.

Jared frowns at the sudden change, but replies anyway.
“She’s alright,” he says, voice flat like Jared’s voice never is when talking about his girlfriend.

Picking up instantly on the weirdness of it all, Jensen turns to stare at him.
“Something happened? ‘Cause it doesn’t sound like you’re too ecstatic about the time you’ve spent in L.A.”

Jared feels suddenly uncomfortable under the scrutiny of his friend, and he looks down at his hands.

“God, why am I feeling like this with Jensen of all people?” he thinks, puzzled. But he just shrugs and says, “Well… we kinda… argued.”

“Over what?”

“Work. The fact that I spend too much time away…” Jared says, and right after he whispers, “… and you.”

Jensen almost swerves off the road. He breathes heavily for a minute before he acquires his composure back.

“Jay, I’m sorry,” he says, and for some reason, he truly is.
Which leads him to consider that something must be seriously wrong with him. Shouldn’t he be ecstatic that things aren’t going that good between the man he loves and his girlfriend? Fact is though, that he isn’t, and as pathetic as he knows it is, all he wants is for Jared is to be happy, and even if it’s not with him, it’s okay, as long as he’s smiling. And one thing for sure is that Sandy does make Jared smile.

“I don’t want to be a reason for any fight. Maybe we should… uh… I don’t know, hang out less? And you should go back to L.A. more often?” he ventures.
“Jesus, Ackles, you’re a fucking jerk!” he promptly and silently berates himself.

“What?! Is he insane?” Jared’s mind screams, and this time the young man makes sure to voice his thoughts exactly as they are.

“What?! Are you insane, man?” he almost yells at Jensen, before clearing his throat and continuing, “Dude… She can’t say shit about the people I care about, okay? She just can’t. Period. It’s not your fault, not at all.”

“You shouldn’t talk like that about your girlfriend,” Jensen admonishes, while a wiser part of him hits him repeatedly over the head with a heavy hammer. “She loves you, man. She just wants to spend more time with you. Can hardly blame her for that.”

“I know man, but… I just won’t let her say things like that. She can say what she wants about me and the distance between us, but she can’t disrespect the ones I care about.” “She can’t disrespect you,” is what he wants to add, but he doesn’t.

“Disrespect? I thought she just thinks we spend too much time together?” Jensen gives a grin. “Did she talk dirty about me?”

“Nah, she just… said things that she shouldn’t have, that’s all,” Jared says, staring at the road ahead.
He’s being honest: that’s exactly what happened with Sandy. He just doesn’t know exactly why it made him so mad in the first place.

“It’s always about you and Jensen!” Jared can practically hear the icy tone of her voice as he remembers the words she said. “Could you tell him to stop being all over you so you could actually spend some time with your girlfriend?”

And the fact is, she’s right. Well, about it always being about him and Jensen, anyway. He just saw red when she said it, because it’s Jensen she was talking about. Now that his mind is clearer though, he realizes he can’t blame her for what she said. He can’t blame anyone. Nor does he want to change anything in his relationship with Jensen.

“Man, what the hell is going on with me?” he thinks in exasperated confusion.

Jensen sees the look that crosses Jared’s face, the look that says things are getting fucked up in some way, and he feels compelled to try and find out exactly how.

“Jay, what did she say?” he prompts worriedly.

Jared snaps out of his reverie and gives his friend a reassuring smile.

“Nothing much. Just what you said, that we spend too much time together. Thing is, I don’t want it to change. And… and, you know, she was talking about you, about us, and I can’t let anyone talk about us like that.” He takes a deep breath, runs a hand through his hair, and continues. “You’re a part of my life now, and she has to find a way to deal with it. I’m doing all I can, man. She should know that.”

Jensen remains silent, the words sinking deep into him, his head trying to twist them around until he can find a solution. The only one that comes to mind makes him feel almost physically sick.

“Right,” he offers after a while, feeling like he hast to say something more but not knowing exactly what, his throat having gone totally dry on him.

“Fuck, I screwed up again,” Jared thinks when he sees Jensen’s face and hears the weak reply he gives to all his ranting. He really wishes he could know what was wrong with Jensen. Looks like neither of them is in the best period of their life right now, both for some unknown reason.
“Hey, things are okay with us, alright?” he reassures. “I can deal with Sandy,” he winks at his friend, trying to lighten up the mood.

“Yeah, sure. Things are okay, Jay,” Jensen says, offering a smile, and the lie scrapes like sandpaper in his throat.


TBC...
 
 
feeling: blahblah
 
 
 
shelgrainger2shelgrainger2 on July 30th, 2007 09:54 am (UTC)
Aww think Sandy may know how they feel about each other but she shouldn't be so nasty about Jensen. I am loving how things are slowly dawning on the clueless Jared! The fact he needs Jensen, needs to have him around. I just hope Jensen is not thinking about taking himself out of Jared's life because of Sandy. Off to read more.
Evenstar: J²- Chicago Conevenstar_1203 on December 21st, 2007 09:59 pm (UTC)
Awww, Jared ♥ ♥ I love him for saying "You’re a part of my life now, and she has to find a way to deal with it" *le sigh*
fanofsuperfanofsuper on January 16th, 2008 09:31 pm (UTC)
They are both feeling the same way & not 1 of them is brave enough to say it. Jared needs to say something soon because now that Jensen thinks he is the cause of problems between Jared & Sandy, he'll never say it. '

Either that or Steve's plan, whatever it is, has to work
slash_freak_ozslash_freak_oz on June 18th, 2008 07:03 am (UTC)
Sandy's been posessed by the green eyed monster...I'd reccomend Sam and Dean to get on the job but....they're not real and I'm rooting for J2 LOL
kezzie5kezzie5 on August 4th, 2008 09:49 am (UTC)
do you know how I can add this to my memories? It won't seem to let me add them on communities :( And I don't want to lose track of this!
Cami: spn cast | jen&jay - =)ilovemybaby on August 4th, 2008 03:22 pm (UTC)
Hey sweetheart!
If you press the "memories" button onn this page it still doesn't work?
The Alien On Broadwaypurpleyedemon on January 2nd, 2009 08:32 am (UTC)
Oh...my...god...
There are a lot of fics out there where Jen's in pretty much the same position, but this one just really got to me.
I relate to Jen a lot here...in love with the best friend who you can't have, can't even tell them...miserable without them but terrified of fucking up the friendship...the whole thing...

"Jensen can’t really explain it. Now that Jared’s there, the anxiety both melts away and increases. He doesn’t think it’s actually possible. Still, his lips break into a wide smile of his own, and next thing he knows he’s reaching out to pull Jared into a hug."
I know that feeling too well...it's me every time I see him.

"Shouldn’t he be ecstatic that things aren’t going that good between the man he loves and his girlfriend? Fact is though, that he isn’t, and as pathetic as he knows it is, all he wants is for Jared is to be happy, and even if it’s not with him, it’s okay, as long as he’s smiling."
Jesus...

Well, the point of all my mushy, emo babbling is that this fic is amazing, this chapter made me cry like a baby, and I'm in love with it. Haha...