Log in

16 January 2008 @ 01:19 pm
Wonder Of My World - (10/?)  
Title: Wonder Of My World (10/?)
Authors: ilovemybaby & fallonblackdays
Characters/Pairings: Jared/Jensen, Steve Carlson, Christian Kane
Disclaimers: We don't own these people, they own themselves. None of this ever happened and, alas, the couple is not real. None of this was meant as an offence to anyone. We're just pretending, folks.
Notes: (1) Story and chapters titles and quotes all coming from various Steve Carlson's songs.
(2) Huge thanks to wake_up_older29 for the amazing beta job! Welcome back, girl! *hugs*
Summary: Something's wrong with Jensen, and he makes a point not to tell Jared what is it. But when Jared finds out anyway, his reaction surprises even Jared himself.

Chapter 1 – Tell You A Tale | Chapter 2 – On The Road | Chapter 3 – Kinda Crazy These Days | Chapter 4 – I Could Never Say… | Chapter 5 – Losing My Mind | Chapter 6 - What You’re Running From | Chapter 7 – Moving Along | Chapter 8 - Between A Lover And A Friend | Chapter 9 - I Asked For Help From Above

banner made by the awesome titheniel

Wonder Of My World

Chapter 10 - Walk Away

“I can’t stand to watch you walk away, and take the last word with you.”
(“Under You” - Steve Carlson)


Jared is staring anxiously down at him, and Jensen realizes it then, that Jared has no idea, that Jared doesn’t know that he’s willing to wait a whole lifetime if that’s what it takes, and even a few lifetimes more than that.

‘If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life.’

The quote pops up into his mind unexpectedly, but he doesn’t voice it: he may be awfully vulnerable right now, but he’s still not a girl after all. He just reaches up and cups Jared’s nape, kissing his lips lightly.

“I will,” he says softly. “I’ll wait for you.”

Jared sighs, a relief-filled sound. ‘He’ll wait,’ is the only thing that comes to his mind as he kisses Jensen with as much love as he can.

Jensen pushes himself up in a sitting position and then pulls back after a while, reaching out to brush a few errand strands of hair back from Jared’s forehead, fingertips lingering over Jared’s skin. He looks deep and hard into Jared’s eyes, not saying a word.

“What is it, Jen?” Jared asks softly after a few moments, obviously uncomfortable under the intense scrutiny.

“Nothing,” Jensen smiles, stroking his face slowly. “I just love you.”

When Jared smiles back, mouthing an ‘I love you’ as he inches closer to Jensen’s mouth, Jensen leans forward and meets those lips halfway, pushing Jared down gently until he’s practically laying on top of him.

“I wanna make love to you, Jay.”

He startles himself as soon as the whispered words are out of his mouth. Why can’t he ever shut up?

Jared tries his best to keep a firm control of his body and not jump Jensen right here and now.
‘God, Jen... what are you doing to me?’

He closes his eyes briefly, taking a steadying breath, and when he opens them again, it’s only to find a scared-looking Jensen staring down at him, and soon Jared’s kissing him again, to try and make that look go away.

“God, Jen...” he whispers once the kiss is over. “I...” Another deep breath. “I want it, too, but...”

Jensen pulls back a little. “But?” he prompts, gently but firmly.

“But I want it to be right,” Jared says, holding Jensen’s hand and tugging him closer again. “I don’t want our first time to be like this... I want it to be perfect, you know?” He cups Jensen’s cheek and continues after a moment. “I want to be thinking of nothing else but you; I want to be doing nothing but trying to make you feel good. I want the whole day to be about us, and us only. I don’t wanna be worried about friends calling, and work... When it happens, it has to be about nothing and none other than us,” he finishes, hoping that Jensen can understand what he means.

Jensen thinks he does, but at the same time, he doesn’t, not really.
‘What’s wrong with now? Why can’t you love me now?’
That’s what he wants to scream. But he doesn’t. He just gives Jared a smile and a nod.

“I get it,” he says, rolling off him and settling back onto his side.

Jared sighs as Jensen inches as much away from him as the bed would allow.
“Jen...” he begins in a tired, defeated voice. “I’m sorry.” It’s lame, but what else could he possibly say now?

The phone saves him, kind of, his cell starting to ring madly on the nigthstand.
Jared picks it up, and the caller I.D. suddenly makes him wish there hadn’t been any saving ring after all.
He gives Jensen an apologetic look as he flips the phone open and brings it to his ear.

“Hey Sandy.”


It’s a three-letter word, but it’s enough for Jared to know that she’s crying.

“Sandy, what’s wrong? Sandy?” he calls urgently when she doesn’t reply straight away.

Jensen sits up in bed like a shot, worry etched over his features, because no matter what’s going on, he likes the girl.

“Jared, I know... I know I said... whatever I said...” she hiccups. “But... I love you. Please.”

“God, honey...” Jared runs a hand slowly over his face. “Baby, please stop crying, alright? It’s okay. Things will be okay,” he says, trying to calm her down, although he’s saying it more to himself than to her.

‘Sandy’s crying on the phone, and Jensen’s here, and he’s staring at me, and I don’t... ARGH.’
By now, even the little voice in Jared’s head is at a complete loss of what to do.

In the meantime, Sandy takes a deep breath, and her voice is calm but still broken when she speaks again.

“Please, Jared, don’t do this to me. Don’t leave me.”

“Sandy, try to calm down, okay?” Jared says, pushing the covers away and sitting up in the middle of the bed, eyes searching Jensen’s. “We can’t talk about this on the phone. Why don’t we meet up someday and talk about it face to face, uh?” he suggests, because he doesn’t want to have this conversation right now. And not with Jensen around.

“You can’t talk about this on the phone but you can kiss your male best friend behind my back, can’t you?” Sandy spits bitterly.

‘Ouch. That hurt.’

Jared doesn’t have an answer to that, because he knows that she’s right.
“Try to be reasonable,” he says instead. “You know this is not a subject to be discussed on the phone. I’m not saying we won’t discuss it,” he hurries to say. “I’m just saying not right now, alright?”
He knows he’s being harsh, but he just can’t take it. Not right now.

“Jesus, Jared, can’t you see that I need you? Would it be too much to ask you to be here right now, if just through a phone call?!” Sandy yells brokenly.

Jared puts his cell phone between his ear and shoulder and rubs at his eyes with both hands.
“Yeah I know baby... I’m sorry... But I’m here, okay?”

“No you’re not,” Sandy argues. “You’re leaving.”

By now, Jensen has a pretty good idea of what’s going on. And he has no idea what to do. He drags his tired body out of bed and starts looking for his clothes before he remembers that this is his hotel room and he can’t leave.

“Sweetheart, please...” Jared really has no idea what he’s pleading for. He only knows that he has a heartbroken Sandy on the phone and a miserable-looking Jensen standing in front of him, and he doesn’t like any of it. “Give me some more time, okay?” he finally says, unable to keep on looking at Jensen, and desperate to try and just do something about it all. “I’ll call you later, and we’ll talk about this, okay? Please, Sandy.”

There’s a brief pause before Sandy’s voice comes again, scared and broken and lost.
“Do you love me?”

‘I don’t know.’
“We’ll talk about this later, okay? I promise,” he tries again, not quite knowing why he can’t just say the words and be done with it.

“You don’t know, do you?” Sandy sighs. “You just don’t know anymore.”
With that, she hangs up, not giving Jared the chance to say anything else.

Jensen is still staring at Jared with a worried expression on his face.
“Jay?” he whispers hesitantly, taking a tentative step forward and stopping in the middle of the room, uncertain of how to move, speak, even of how to breathe.

Jared’s at a loss, too. His girlfriend has just accused him of not being sure of his feelings, and she’s so damn right. He looks up at Jensen, feeling like a bastard for doing this to him. And to Sandy. He takes a deep breath, and for the first time since this whole mess has started he can feel a tear escaping and running down his cheek.

“I’m such a bastard,” he moans, voice broken.

Jensen knows what to do now. He walks to the bed and sits down next to Jared, reaching out to rub his back soothingly.
“What happened?” he asks quietly.

Jared looks straight ahead, at nothing at all, feeling numb and exhausted.
“I’m hurting her. I’m hurting you,” he says, so quietly that Jensen almost misses it.

‘Fuck, Jay.’
“Look at me.” Jensen turns Jared’s face gently towards him and looks deep into his eyes. “It’s not your fault.”

“How can it not be my fault?” Jared asks brokenly. “I’m the one who’s hurting people. I’m the one to blame.”

“Stop it. Right now. Okay?” Jensen says sternly. “Look, Jay, love is... uh... complicated,” he begins, searching for the words, those same words that he’s not sure exist, wishing that he had Steve’s uncanny ability when it comes to speaking to people. “You just can’t control it. And it’s... entirely possible to... love two people at once.” He pauses then, wondering if Jared does indeed love two people at once, after all. “You need time. And if I or Sandy don’t get it, that doesn’t make you a bastard. You’re trying to do the right thing, and Jay, this makes you nothing but honest. And I’m proud of you,” he finishes quietly, “no matter how things turn out.”

Jared doesn’t know what to say, he isn’t sure he’s supposed to say anything at all, so he just wraps his arms around Jensen and holds on tight, burying his face into his neck.

“You shouldn’t be this good to me, Jen,” he murmurs, head spinning a little. He’s not that sure that he’s loving two people at once anymore.

“Shut up,” Jensen whispers affectionately, running his fingers soothingly through Jared’s hair.
He disentangles himself from their embrace a few moments later, when the cough comes to tickle at his throat, and he turns away to let it out.

Jared curses himself inwardly.
“Damn it, you’re sick. You should lay back down,” he says, his protective side arising once again.

“‘m okay,” Jensen croaks, although he doesn’t resist Jared’s arms as they help him back under the covers, where he curls up into a tight ball.

“I can see it,” Jared says sarcastically, smiling down at him. “You need anything?”

‘You.’ The answer is automatic and surfaces into Jensen’s mind with no effort whatsoever, but he doesn’t voice it. Instead, he shakes his head, whispers a quiet, “No”, and allows sleep to pull him under.

Jared lays down next to him with a sigh and watches him, gently stroking his hair every once in a while.

‘You need to make up your mind, Padalecki. Soon.’

The thought runs through Jared’s mind over and over, but when his own eyes fall closed some time later, he still hasn’t come up with anything.


It’s the coughing that wakes Jensen first, and it takes him quite some time to realize that it belongs to him.

He tosses for a while, searching for a comfortable position, but no matter what he does, he feels hotter than a saucepan over the fire.

The room’s dark now, and he idly wonders exactly what time is it. He rolls onto his side and smiles as he finds Jared laying next to him, asleep. He reaches out and pushes an errand strand of hair gently off Jared’s face before he lets his hand flop back onto the mattress, eyes burning. How in the world can he possibly feel so tired after having done nothing but sleep for the whole day?

Jared stirs under his touch, his eyes opening slowly.
“You alright, Jen?” he asks, voice still thick with sleep but full of concern.

“Yeah,” Jensen croaks out, face glistening with sweat. “Just hot.”

Jared caresses his face gently with one hand, frowning at what he feels.
“Man, you’re burning. You gotta get something. It’s okay if you don’t wanna go to a doctor for now,” he says, sitting up in bed, now fully awake, “but you gotta take something.”

“There’s some Tylenol in the bathroom... I think...” Jensen offers, coughing again, and he has to admit, he feels like shit.

Jared gets out of bed and walks into the bathroom, emerging after a handful of seconds with a glass of cool water and a small box of Tylenol in his hands.

“You think you can get some more sleep?” he asks quietly minutes later, when Jensen’s once again huddled under the covers after having swallowed a couple of pills. “You really need to rest.”

“I’ve been sleepin’ all day,” Jensen complains. He shifts on the mattress, feeling his throat burning and his head thumping.

Jared smiles sadly down at him and puts a hand over his forehead, once again checking his temperature and once again frowning at the heat.

He’s about to give the doctor suggestion another go when there’s a knock at the door.

He squeezes Jensen’s shoulder and gets up quickly, finding himself staring at a very worried-looking Christian Kane once he’s opened the door.

“He’s still sick?” Chris asks without any preambles whatsoever, not waiting for an invitation before he strides into the room.

Jared nods silently, watching as Chris walks up to Jensen and peers down at him.

“How you feelin’, man?”

Jensen coughs a few times and then looks up at Chris with fever-brightened green eyes.
“‘m peachy,” he croaks with a tired grin.

Chris grins back.
“You’re sick, that’s what you are,” he says, petting Jensen’s head affectionately. “Did he take anything?” he asks, looking back at Jared.

“I just gave him some Tylenol. I’m sure it’ll have some effect soon,” Jared tries to reassure.

Chris looks back at Jensen with a sigh.
“You want something to eat? Drink? Anything?”

Jensen actually thinks water wouldn’t be that bad, but his throat hurts at the mere thought of swallowing, so he shakes his head.

“Don’t you have a show to attend to?” he says, hating the scratchy sound of his voice.

“I also have a sick friend to look out for,” Chris deadpans. “Don’t worry about it. I called Steve and told him I’d be there on time, but not a minute sooner.”

Jensen smiles fondly and shakes his head.
“Mother hen,” he mumbles, coughing again.

A shrill ring breaks the quiet again, and Jensen groans, burying his face into the pillow as Jared hastily picks up his cell phone.


“Jay, it’s me.” It’s Sandy’s voice in his ear again. It’s not broken anymore, nor angry. It now sounds calm and open, and there’s still love lingering under the surface. “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for... uh... the drama-queen show I gave you earlier.” A sigh. “I just can’t take the waiting anymore. I thought I was strong enough, but I’m not. Can you please come over soon? We really need to talk.”

“Sure,” Jared says, although he has no idea of what he will be saying. But he’s too relieved to hear Sandy sounding again like her old self to hesitate further. “When will you have some time, baby?”

Sandy snorts indignantly into the phone. “I’m waiting for you, Jared,” she emphasizes. “Don’t make me wait too long.”
She doesn’t give him the chance to reply before she hangs up

Jared stares at the phone as if it’s supposed to burst into flames at any minute.
‘What? She wants me to go now?!’ He can feel panic starting to take a hold of his stomach. He knows he’s not ready to face whatever’s gonna come from his talk with Sandy, but he also knows that he can’t run from it. He has to figure this whole mess out.

He pushes his cell phone back in his pocket with a sigh and looks apologetically at Jensen and Chris.
“It was Sandy,” he says, rather unnecessarily. “She wants me to go see her,” he adds, rubbing at the back of his neck, not sure what words or gestures are supposed to come next.

Jensen stares at him without saying anything: he can already see Jared’s intentions in his eyes, even though Jared himself maybe doesn’t know, yet.

Chris looks at the both of them in turn for a few moments, feeling more and more like he really shouldn’t be here right now.
‘Well hell... Who thought I’d be in the front seat when all hell broke loose?’

“Jen, I...” Jared begins. “I think I have to go.”

There it is. Jensen had been hoping that he was wrong, that for once he hadn’t been able to read Jared’s eyes correctly, that what he had seen in his irises wasn’t the urge to be near Sandy now.

He gives a curt not.

“Jen, it’s not what you think,” Jared says quickly, almost desperately. “She called asking if I can go see her because- ”

“Then go see her.”

“Jen, please... She wants to talk about us, to see where we stand.”

Jensen pushes himself up in a sitting position and stares at Jared, his gaze unwavering.
“What will you say?”

Jared swallows. Hard. “I don’t know.”

Jensen closes his eyes briefly and gives a humourless laugh before opening them again. “You sure about that? ‘Cause it seems to me, you running as soon as she snaps her fingers because she can’t wait two fucking weeks until hiatus is over says a lot about how you feel.”

“Jen, it’s not like that,” Jared tries again. “I have to sort it out. I have to clear up this mess.”

“Then clear it with me first,” Jensen says firmly. “Where do I stand?”

“Jen, I...” Jared trails off, sitting down on the edge of the bed, elbows on his knees, his hands going to rub at his tired eyes. “I don’t know, Jen. I have yet to figure things out.”

Jensen gives a bitter smile and leans back against the headboard.
“Go to your girl, Jared.”

“Jen, you gotta understand- ”

“Fuck, Jay, you said you loved me!” Jensen cuts him off sharply, anger finally creeping into his chest and into his voice. “Where does that stand with you?!”

“And I do love you, Jen!” Jared cries back. “I do-”

“It feels more like you’re deciding whether you’re going to love me,” Jensen argues. “Why can’t you just love me now? Why, Jared?”

“Because I have to be sure that I only love you. I can’t screw this up, Jensen,” Jared says urgently. “No more than I already have. I just wanna be sure of what I’m doing.”

Jensen still stares at him, emotion slowly draining from his face as the words sink in. He understands about confusion, really, he does. But Jared has said it, ‘And I do love you’. What’s there to figure out? Unless, and Jensen really thinks that’s the case by now, he didn’t mean it. Not quite.

“So you don’t know whether you can love me or not,” Jensen says slowly. “Not yet.” He can feel the pain starting to mount up in his chest, but he can’t let Jared see it. His jaw clenches. “Get out, Jared. Go to your girl.”

“Jensen, please- ”

It’s Chris who cuts Jared off this time. Sometime during the whole exchange, he has decided that he should put aside his awkwardness for now and take some action, because sure as hell none of these two seemed inclined to. And he just couldn’t stand watching Jensen being kept hanging from a rope anymore.

“Man, you should go,” he says, taking Jared’s elbow and gently but firmly pushing him towards the door. “And Jared,” he whispers warningly once they’re in the doorway and well out of Jensen’s earshot, “make you sure you only come back when you’re sure about all this.”

He squeezes Jared’s shoulder once and is very proud of his own self-restraint when he waits for him to actually have exited the room before closing the door instead of slamming it shut on his face like every instinct has been screaming at him to do.

Jensen can’t believe what has just happened. One minute he was asleep in Jared’s arms, the next he’s watching him walk away. He feels dizzy, and he’s not sure that it’s all because of the flu.

He watches vacantly as Chris walks back to the bed and sits cross-legged on the carpet next to it.

“You alright, Jen? And no lies.”

Jensen wants to lay back down, turn away, close his eyes and forgets Chris’ there. He only manages to accomplish the laying back down part. Fact is, Chris can’t be ignored, not when he’s staring at him with that you-can’t-lie-I-know-you-too-well look of his.

Tears spring to his eyes before Jensen has even the chance to realize it, and he allows one of them to slide past, feels it roll silently down his skin.

Chris dries it away with his thumb, holding Jensen’s broken gaze but saying nothing. His own eyes are beginning to sting; he’s mad, so mad at Jared for hurting Jensen like this. But he knows he can’t do anything to fix it, and that’s the worst part.

He takes a deep breath to hold himself in check, because he’s supposed to be the strong one here, and that’s exactly what he’s going to be.
He runs his fingers soothingly through Jensen’s hair.

“Just let it out.”

And Jensen tries not to listen, not to give in, but he just can’t do it. He’s sobbing before he knows it.


feeling: tiredtired
Archylou: Jensen smilearchylou on January 16th, 2008 01:18 pm (UTC)
oh but the ow! Poor Jensen hope he feels better so, glad he has Chris there! Not to happy with Jared right now but at least he is 'trying' to do the right thing! *needs more fic*
Soniafallonblackdays on January 26th, 2008 06:20 pm (UTC)
Well, yes, at least Jared's trying, which is already a huge thing. :D I'm glad you liked this part, despite it being ow-ish. ;) More's coming soon! Thank you!
Lenaalena2b on January 16th, 2008 01:43 pm (UTC)
awwww... poor jensen! you're so breaking my heart! can't wait for the update!
Soniafallonblackdays on January 26th, 2008 06:21 pm (UTC)
The next chapter's gonna be up soon. :) Thanks so much for reading!!
Jo: Jensen facepalmapieceofcake on January 16th, 2008 01:45 pm (UTC)
Jensen's sick...nope not happy with Jared right now :-(
Soniafallonblackdays on January 26th, 2008 06:29 pm (UTC)
Oww. :(
Thanks for reading, more will be up soon. ;)
readerforlifereaderforlife on January 16th, 2008 01:57 pm (UTC)
Oh man, that last part. I think I'm gonna cry.

You write so well, making the reader want more every time.

I was wondering yesterday when this was going to be updated. I think I even went, "Ooh! Yay!" when I saw it on my flist. Keep up with the good stuff.
Soniafallonblackdays on January 27th, 2008 03:12 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much! I'm happy that you liked this part, and knowing that we can keep you hooked is the best compliment you could ever give us. Thanks for reading, and stay tuned for more soon. ;)
(Anonymous) on January 16th, 2008 02:02 pm (UTC)
thanks for this new chapter : I really loved it. Sick!Jensen, protective!chris... everything that I like. Can't wait for the following one.
Soniafallonblackdays on January 27th, 2008 03:27 pm (UTC)
Thank you for your feedback! I'm really happy you liked this part. :) And protective!Chris is one of my favorite things in a story, we just couldn't let him out. ;)
Evenstar: J²- laughingevenstar_1203 on January 16th, 2008 02:46 pm (UTC)
Sick!Jensen. Poor thing. And Jared... man he really needs to make up his mind asap!
Soniafallonblackdays on January 27th, 2008 03:28 pm (UTC)
He really does, doesn't he? Thanks so much for reading! :D
AbbySN_24loversn_24lover on January 16th, 2008 02:53 pm (UTC)
Totally crying now!! Poor sick Jensen. And Jared you ass, how could you leave him like that? Sandy would just have to wait, Jensen is sick and he needs Jared. Please fix them soon, all the agnst is killing me!!! :(
Soniafallonblackdays on January 27th, 2008 03:39 pm (UTC)
Owww. *hands tissues* More is coming soon. Thanks for your feedback! :)
kuhekabirkuhekabir on January 16th, 2008 02:55 pm (UTC)
That was amazing but you've got to promise the next part soon because you just can't leave it like that...please...I loved the update...was great. Please post more soon :)
Soniafallonblackdays on January 27th, 2008 03:40 pm (UTC)
The next part is being betaed as we speak. It'll be here soon. :) Thanks so much for reading, I'm so happy that you liked the new part! :D
Shellztrueshellz on January 16th, 2008 04:09 pm (UTC)
Soniafallonblackdays on January 27th, 2008 04:52 pm (UTC)
ymmy12ymmy12 on January 16th, 2008 04:24 pm (UTC)
really good chapt
and so worth the wait, love jared and jensen always but love chris being there for jensen
all so perfect and so heartbreaking
Soniafallonblackdays on January 27th, 2008 11:20 pm (UTC)
Aww. Thank you so very much! I'm really happy that you liked this chapter. And I just love Chris. ♥
The next part's up! ;)
Aj;;dare_to_dream06 on January 16th, 2008 04:51 pm (UTC)
oh god.
this chapter made me happy, angry, sad and so disappointed all at one.
I was so happy at the beginning when Jared was taking care of Jensen, those two are adorable.
I was so pissed when sandy called, she runied a perfect moment. grah *growls at her* what a bitch.
then i was sad because jared's so torn up between what to do. and jensen's so broken. jared needs to fix this, soon.
i was so disappointed that jared left. so so disappointed that he didnt just leave sandy waiting and stay with jensen.
god this... i dont even know.
i need the next chapter so bad.
<3 loved this new update.
Soniafallonblackdays on January 28th, 2008 11:07 pm (UTC)
Thank you sooo much! I'm so happy that you liked the chapter despite all the hurty parts. ;) Thanks a lot for sticking to the story. :D
ysbailysbail on January 16th, 2008 08:28 pm (UTC)
Way to go Chris. I'm so glad that when Jared left Jensen wasn't on his own.

Jared had better sort out where his head is soon, before Jensen decides he won't allow himself to get hurt by him again.
Soniafallonblackdays on January 29th, 2008 02:11 pm (UTC)
Yes, he totally needs to hurry, uh? I quite like Chris in this myself... He's just adorable. ♥ I'm so happy you liked him here, too. :)
Vicki: jensen handeilan on January 16th, 2008 08:55 pm (UTC)
Poor Jared.. and poor Jensen...
Make them happy, pwease?
Soniafallonblackdays on January 29th, 2008 02:12 pm (UTC)
Soon, Vicki. ♥ Thanks for reading! :)
no matter what: demons I getsanann on January 16th, 2008 10:31 pm (UTC)
oh fuck ;(
I wanna just shake Jared up so he could make his mind. I understand Jared but I was in Jensen' shoes and man, it's just driving you crazy.
Soniafallonblackdays on January 29th, 2008 02:15 pm (UTC)
Ow. I'm sorry you went through something like this... *hugs* And yes, it is maddening. But don't you worry none, it's gonna be okay. In a while. :P Thanks for reading! :)
fanofsuperfanofsuper on January 16th, 2008 11:02 pm (UTC)
Poor Jensen, he's so sick & still trying to take care of Jared.

I was feeling sorry for Sandy in an earlier chapter but after what she pulled here, I am reconsidering that

Jared did the right thing by telling Jensen that they should wait for things to be perfect for their 1st time, waiting until Jensen is better...but he did the wrong thing by leaving Jensen & going to Sandy. I don;t thin he realizes how much he has hurt Jensen by doing that.

Once again I have to add that Jensen is lucky to have a great friend like Chris to be there for him.
Soniafallonblackdays on January 29th, 2008 02:22 pm (UTC)
It's all a bit of a mess, isn't it? But I'm glad you're sticking with it and keeping on reading to see how it will unfold. :)
Lycalycaness on January 17th, 2008 12:41 am (UTC)
*wails* You're killing me. I wanna bash their heads together until Jared sees sense. But I guess it's gotta be really tough for him, trying to figure things like that out isn't easy. Poor guy must be so confused and knowing that no matter what he does he's going to really hurt someone he truly cares a hell of a lot about.
Can't wait for the next update. :D
Soniafallonblackdays on January 31st, 2008 06:18 pm (UTC)
Yes, Jared's in a bit of a tight spot, poor thing. *pets him*
Thanks so much for reading and dropping us a line, it's always appreciated! :D
Wen: SPN - J/J Cling by keyweegirlieneroli66 on January 17th, 2008 01:33 am (UTC)
OMG! Just read this straight through and OUCH! And OWIE! and fix them!! Soooon!!

Or, you know, torture me some more with the wonderful angst and conflicting emotions. :-)
Soniafallonblackdays on January 31st, 2008 06:20 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much! I'm glad that you enjoyed this even with the angst and conflicting emotions. It's good to know that I won't have to feel guilty in the next chapters. *grin*
(no subject) - neroli66 on February 2nd, 2008 07:05 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Nikkie (hope)la_bellavita on January 17th, 2008 01:50 am (UTC)
i feel so bad for jen, i hate that i'm so mad at jared!!
Soniafallonblackdays on January 31st, 2008 06:21 pm (UTC)
:( :( Poor Jared...
Thanks for reading tho! :D
Wendy2sexyboys on January 17th, 2008 03:23 am (UTC)
You leave sick I love you Jensen to be with Now cause I say so I love you Sandy...man, bad choice there Jared from my point of view. It might not be your decision who you get to love if you keep doing things like this. Jensen just might decide he can't wait any longer for you to make up your mind. Need more....Needy aren't I LOL
Soniafallonblackdays on January 31st, 2008 06:23 pm (UTC)
LOL I love that you're needy, 'cause it means you really are enjoying the story. ;) The next chapter has already been posted (as you probably saw: RL kicked my butt and I still have to check comments LOL), and we're being as fast as we can with the one after that.
Thanks so much for reading! :)
pyroblaze18: SPN: j2 - Climb!kultiras on January 17th, 2008 03:37 am (UTC)

So overall, with every chapter this story just breaks me, but this hurt so much.

That being said, I'm looking forward to the next chapter!
Soniafallonblackdays on January 31st, 2008 06:25 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry we hurt you. :( *offers cookies* But thank you for reading! :)
wake_up_older29: Kanewake_up_older29 on January 17th, 2008 03:48 am (UTC)
I loved it and you already knew that but I thought I would tell you again :D
Sonia: Kane_smoochfallonblackdays on January 31st, 2008 06:26 pm (UTC)
Awww! Thanks so much! *hugs* I love you! ♥
angels3angels3 on January 17th, 2008 04:30 am (UTC)
This just broke my heart. I can't stand to see Jensen this hurt and broken. He's so sick and he didn't need this shit on top of it.

Jared better do some heavy fucking ass crawling when he gets his act together.

Please don't make us wait too long for the next chapter.
Soniafallonblackdays on January 31st, 2008 06:30 pm (UTC)
The next chapter is already up (as you've probably noticed, still have to check the new comments *sighs* *kicks RL and work*), and we're fixing the one to put up after that. :)
Thank yo for sticking with the story!!
just another fruit loop in this bowl called life: Carlson/Kane/Ackles ;)keyweegirlie on January 17th, 2008 11:26 am (UTC)
Oh man....*sighs*

I seriously can't stand Sandy anymore...I mean Jensen's sick, why couldn't Jared just tell her no. *pouts*

Anyways, I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm still loving this and now I'm very anxious to see what exactly happens next.

Soniafallonblackdays on January 31st, 2008 06:36 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much, Cass!! It means a lot that you're still reading even if both Sandy and Jared are annoying you. ♥ *hugs*
(no subject) - keyweegirlie on February 1st, 2008 01:49 am (UTC) (Expand)
Elisa: Kane - God? We're Kanelady_bluefairy on January 17th, 2008 05:19 pm (UTC)
Aawww :( *sighs* My poor Jensen. *pets him*
Can't wait for the next chapter! ♥
Soniafallonblackdays on January 31st, 2008 06:38 pm (UTC)
Thanks girl!! *squishes you*
Skywalker-Winchester: supernatural_brothers05  jsie_iconsanakin415 on January 18th, 2008 04:18 am (UTC)
hugs Jensen tight!!!!!!!
Soniafallonblackdays on January 31st, 2008 06:38 pm (UTC)
Awww! Jensen thanks you. ;) And I thank you for reading!